Mother's guilt

Awhile back I started a post with the exact same title. I was having mixed feelings regarding mother's guilt. I thought if I sat down and wrote through my feeling I would come to a conclusion. I was wrong. 

There is nothing like having mother's guilt. It can hit you at the strangest moments too. I can happily let my girls spend most of their summer away from me and in OK. I know they are making memories they will cherish forever and it's a great time for Bran and I to reconnect, just the two of us. But something happened this morning and my mother's guilt went off the radar.

I'm leaving this afternoon for OK, alone. I'm making that drive by myself and I had to say good-bye to the girls this morning. Usually we are the ones leaving Bran here alone, but this time was different. I have had this trip planned for months. One of my dearest friends is having her baby shower and I'm helping with it. I have to be there. I want to be there. I can't imagine not being there. 

All along the plan had been to go alone and leave the girls here with Bran and his parents would come and close out their birthday week with them. Logically it makes sense. But right now, I'm not happy. Baylee sobbed this morning and begged me not to go. She threw her arms around me, looked at me with tears streaming down her face, and said "Mommy, please don't go". It. Was. Awful. 

I tried to be the bigger person and not let my emotions get the best of me. I mean, hey, I was the mom who dropped them off at the nursery when they were nine days old. It didn't matter if they cried, I didn't give in. I was also the mom who was being ripped to shreds the second day of kindergarten because the first day was so traumatic. I didn't give in.

This morning, however, I begged Brandon to let us change our plans. I begged to take the girls with me. I cried as I asked him to call his mom and change every ones weekend because I felt guilty for leaving. But he stood his ground, and rightfully so. 

He's right. The girls will be fine. I will be fine. And we will all be reunited on Sunday evening. My heart hurts just a little, but it will heal. I'm sure the girls are going to have a fantastic date night with their daddy tonight. I can't wait to hear all about it. (But I'm sure I'll feel guilty when I get off the phone for not being there!)

Baylee & Caylee

Girls,

Eight years sure has flown by fast! It seems like just yesterday when I was eating my bacon biscuit in the hospital when the doctors came in. 

"We need you to stop eating," they said. "We're taking your babies today".

 

Those few words changed my world forever. My world was changed in a way far greater than I ever knew it would be. I can't imagine life without my bashful (yet goofy), quiet (yet boisterous), tomboy (yet girly),  and all things nature, animal, and horse loving girls!

Today on your birthday I pray you will always know how special and loved you are. I pray you take advantage of the blessing of having a twin sister. Sisters are special, but to have a twin?! Wow! What a blessing. Love each other deeply, girls. Laugh together. Cry together. Tell each other secrets. Treasure each moment you have together. I pray you will learn to love the Lord together and come to know Him as your Father. He created you the way you are. And even though you're twins, you are different because of His divine creation. 

Happy Birthday, my sweet girlers! I love you so much!

~ Mommy

Easter Festivities

I told a friend yesterday that I'm going to be a better blogger. It's pointless, in my opinion, to have this blog if I'm not going to use it. So what better way than to make an Easter post recapping our weekend?

Let's get started, shall we?

My first Easter activity included baking. A friend of mine asked me to make sugar cookies for her son's pre-school Easter party. I was very excited and oh so nervous, but was pleased with how they turned out. 

Saturday was a jam packed day, but we made time for the eggstravaganza at church. The girls had a great time. There was face painting, story time, crafts, bounce houses were set up, and of course the huge egg hunt. Oh, and popcorn. Caylee was THRILLED when she saw that popcorn. That girl is a popcorn freak.

And what would Easter be without dyeing our eggs? This is usually a long, drawn out process, but this year was different. I don't know if it's because they're getting older, or because I had bought them some fun animal egg wrappers, but this year was so easy. I barely had time for pictures and they were done!!

For the past three years Easter has been the only holiday where it's been just the four of us. We usually travel back to OK or have company at our house for other holidays, but Easter is different. We have made it our tradition to stay home, and it works for us. I know it makes some family members sad, but traveling on Sundays is hard enough on all of us. Let alone traveling after Easter family gatherings. 

We have had beautiful weather the past couple of years, but this year it rained. No, it poured. All. Day. Long. After church we had a nice lunch at home and tried to delay our egg hunt until the rain had passed. But by 4 o'clock the girls couldn't wait any longer. So what'd we do? We had an egg hunt in the rain! 

Hmmm...that was kind of a jumbled mess of a post, huh? Oh well, this Easter was definitely memorable. And it was a great day.