There is nothing like having mother's guilt. It can hit you at the strangest moments too. I can happily let my girls spend most of their summer away from me and in OK. I know they are making memories they will cherish forever and it's a great time for Bran and I to reconnect, just the two of us. But something happened this morning and my mother's guilt went off the radar.
I'm leaving this afternoon for OK, alone. I'm making that drive by myself and I had to say good-bye to the girls this morning. Usually we are the ones leaving Bran here alone, but this time was different. I have had this trip planned for months. One of my dearest friends is having her baby shower and I'm helping with it. I have to be there. I want to be there. I can't imagine not being there.
All along the plan had been to go alone and leave the girls here with Bran and his parents would come and close out their birthday week with them. Logically it makes sense. But right now, I'm not happy. Baylee sobbed this morning and begged me not to go. She threw her arms around me, looked at me with tears streaming down her face, and said "Mommy, please don't go". It. Was. Awful.
I tried to be the bigger person and not let my emotions get the best of me. I mean, hey, I was the mom who dropped them off at the nursery when they were nine days old. It didn't matter if they cried, I didn't give in. I was also the mom who was being ripped to shreds the second day of kindergarten because the first day was so traumatic. I didn't give in.
This morning, however, I begged Brandon to let us change our plans. I begged to take the girls with me. I cried as I asked him to call his mom and change every ones weekend because I felt guilty for leaving. But he stood his ground, and rightfully so.
He's right. The girls will be fine. I will be fine. And we will all be reunited on Sunday evening. My heart hurts just a little, but it will heal. I'm sure the girls are going to have a fantastic date night with their daddy tonight. I can't wait to hear all about it. (But I'm sure I'll feel guilty when I get off the phone for not being there!)
5 comments:
Oh, I am sure that was so hard to do but I think you did the right thing. Since becoming a mommy myself, I have always said that no one told me the guilt that would accompany having a child. No matter what you do as a mom, you always feel some guilt and question if it's the right or wrong decision for your child. I'm glad you're coming because I can't wait to hug your neck! :)
You (or Brandon) did the right thing. It is OKAY for you to do this by yourself. I remember the first couple of sister get togethers-Katie was almost inconsolable. But, she survived and I survived and it's all good. See you tomorrow!
If it was for anything else besides what it's for, I'd say, how dare you leave those babies! ;)
You know I am totally joking. Heehee
You know, I think it's these little moments of obligation to our families that make us good wives and mommies. Yes, you had to stand strong, but the fact that your heart is so connected to your obligations to your babies and husband, says a lot about you. Shower sweet Whitney with love!
As a long-time mom, I know all too well those guilt feelings. I also know I am probably the world's worst at taking time for me. We can't be a good mommy or wife if all we do is give. We have to take time to do things just for ourselves once ina while. In all honesty, this wasn't just for you, but once again you were giving of youself for someone you care for. Some time for you was just a bonus!!
Be sure and give us an update on Daddy's Date Night. What a special time for them.
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