BK

I wasn't going to mention this today, because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. But after the night I had trying to sleep last night and the emotional drive I just had, I know I need to put my thoughts into words. Hopefully by the end of this I will feel better.

Today would have been my sister's 36th birthday.

What a sweet soul she was.

Oh dear, here it comes again. Anger.

I haven't been mad about her death in a very long time. I'm usually content with the fact that she's not in any more pain. I usually rest knowing her broken body is whole again. But today I am mad. I want her here. I want to talk to her and I want to hear her funny one-liners and I want her to see the life I have now. I want my sister.

I couldn't sleep worth anything last night. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. I woke up at midnight with a massive migraine. I never wake up in the middle of the night with a migraine. I usually go to sleep to get rid of one. I dreamt Brenna came to see us here in our new home town. She was happy, but sick. And then the rest of the night I was at her funeral. Isn't that awful? By four I finally gave in and found some medicine and a cold rag for my head.

Ok, I've got that all out of my system. I'm not going to dwell on this anymore. Being mad that she's gone will not bring her back. And she wouldn't want me to sit and sulk. Instead I choose to celebrate the 30 years that she lived. I choose to remember the last four years we had together. I'm going to remember the good times and I'm going to laugh. She always made me laugh. I'm going to communicate with my brother because I know today is hard for him too. I'm going to talk to my girls about their Aunt B. And I might even make her favorite cake - a cinnamon streusel bundt cake.